At least I still have my legs...

Fucking hell.

I just don't want to play anymore. Do you get that feeling? I really just don't want to fucking play anymore. I really don't.

I am playing awful, granted. No doubt, I don't try and deny that. I realise it, I see it, I know it.

But seriously the cards are not going my way at all. River after fucking river, helps these morons who get their fucking money in bad.

But the times I get my money in bad? Give me a river card? One time? No.

I really cant do it anymore. Not the cards, not the losing, I cant cope with the fucking retards. I sit there hours on end, listening, watching, smelling these fucking cunts.

I am so close to the edge its actually scary, there are several people, who if they said the wrong thing to me, I would actually throw a fucking chair at them. I don't care if I get fucking barred, might be a good thing.

Glad I am doing this "..week in the life of a balanced professional poker player..." thing. The reality is that playing poker (for a living) is not fun.

It is fucking horrible. Even when you are winning its only mildly enjoyable.

Well maybe that's a little bit extreme, it is OK I suppose if you stay on top of your game, and play good (and maybe run a little above average). But there is no doubt there are more enjoyable things in life.

I play because I expect to win, and make money. I don't play for the fun or enjoyment of it. I rather go out to a club, or go to the cinema, or go read my book at the park, or play tennis, or cook, or eat, or fucking pretty much do anything else but poker.

But I play because I have an expectancy to win (not on a given day, or a given week or a given month, but in the long run).

I am frustrated because I am pretty much showing nothing for my hours of torment. Well to be exact, I am earning £2.70 per hour for my fucking troubles. I rather fucking work at McDonald's during the evenings and earn double that (plus get fucking food for free).

£2.70 an hour, for this shit! Fuck my life!

That out of the way now, let me tell you what else I have been up to, because as I say I am "...a balanced professional poker player..." this week.

Monday, I went for my 5K run, slept until about 12pm, then went out to meet Tiia. One of the funniest friends I have (of the few friends I have left...), and she gave me some good advise (click on the photos to enlarge).

Well I do feel better now I suppose. I am seriously considering playing at The Empire for a few sessions to clear my head.

Fuck you.