Days 7-13: Reached!

So far so good! Haven't had time to blog due to work, but staying on course. 

Next two weeks are going to be very tough, and challenging at work. I will get through it, its all about mentality. Creating and cultivating a positive outlook. 

Day 6: Attained!

Day 5: Achieved!

Last day of freedom today! Back to work tomorrow. I don't think it has quite sunk in let, but whatever challenges lie in my path I will face them and put myself to the test.

Not smoking hasn't been hard so far, tonight should be tough. Saturday night, X Factor, yummy food, and smoking. Its like our favorite pastime, but removing the smoking element should not be an issue.

I had a deep run last night, ended up busting 17th after shoving over a cutoff open with K9s, couldn't get there vs AQ. Frustrating. All good though.

Day 4: Done!

I am back at JD, the new manager of a lovely shop in Watford. I met Hassan there today, and Kevin was there too. Reputation goes a long way, but I can't live off it. I have to perform now. I have to let my actions do the talking and prove them right for taking let another chance on me. 

I will rebuild my career and at the very least be managing a mega store this time next year. That's the plan. 

Not smoking is easy so far, big test coming up now though. The weekend. Should be fine. 

As the days of not smoking add up, I begin to regain myself. My confidence. My self esteem. My brain. I want to keep strong. There is no variance involved in quitting smoking, no river cards you can blame. Its all on me. 

Day 3: Accomplished!

After waiting over 45 minutes for a bus in the freezing cold on Monday, I knew I would come down with something, and I have. I am drinking lots of lemon honey tea and trying to get better, but have been off work Tuesday and last night -not that I need much of an excuse not to go in. 

I did meet up with Hassan yesterday to discuss the prospect of going back to JD. It was actually lovely seeing him and catching up with him. Its funny how similar we are, he is basically a brown version of me. We have been through the same experiences, and our careers were headed down the same exact route, until I swayed away to poker.

I am happy I was able to articulate my motivation to return, we spoke about Hannah, and my desire to start a family with her. Talking to him really cemented my decision to do what I am doing. I want this.

I am a little concerned however, because my return would be subject to H/R and relevant checks. I have a lot of gaps in my employment, it may cause a problem. I hope not. 

I should hear back from him today. 

No issues not smoking last night, even with Hannah sitting next to me and smoking on the sofa. I will say that its easier not to smoke when I am not feeling well, so Ill be properly tested when I recover. 

More vivid dreams last night, and happy to report I fell asleep very quickly. 

Poker was horrific yesterday, and I stupidly entered several comps in the evening knowing I wasn't 100% to play, and ended up bricking everything -denting my already small bankroll. 

I feel a lot of pressure to play in the hope of getting a score, really really need the money for Hannah's Birthday and Christmas, especially knowing I wont get much from Primark after all my sick days. 

Day Two: Completed!

Got through yesterday, I thought it was going to be more challenging than I thought because I was home in the evening with Hannah, but to be honest I did not even want to smoke.

The vivid dreams have kicked in already, usually they start after a week or so of not smoking. I had several very clear, interesting dreams last night though.

It did however take me sometime to get to sleep, I was tossing and turning for what seemed hours before I eventually drifted off.

Meeting Hassan today, this meeting should determine a drastic change in the direction my life is heading at the moment.

Hannah's parents have moved out now, very happy to have our home back after 6 weeks.

Poker was very frustrating yesterday, spew jammed a river bluff to bust out my final comp last night. I was feeling tired, and wanted to go to bed to be honest -cant be doing that! Need to take something down this week. Need the money!

Day One: Tick!

Don't feel much different today, in fact feel very sore after last night's shift.

After emailing Kevin, got a call promptly from Hassan. I meet him tomorrow.

100 Days

I wasn't really sure where to write this. Initially I thought I would write it in my diary by hand, but I thought my lack of spelling ability would be a problem. I considered writing it in an email to myself or someone, or as a Facebook message. I also thought I might just write it in a blank new document on Word.

In the end I decided on my blog because it is home to all my past failures and chronicles the lack of focus and determination I have had over my life. This will rewrite all of that, for what I am going to attempt to do over the next 100 days I will succeed in doing.