Retardo-tron. A new breed.
First came the Retards, straight off the boats. Easily identifiable at any poker table by their abnormal behaviour, and unique poker minds...
They will eat a bowl of chips with their fingers and get ketchup on the cards.
They will sneeze hard, if you are lucky capping their snot on their hands (straight onto the cards) but most the time they are too busy holding their balls to free their hands up in time, and its not uncommon for retard snot flying in your face.
They will split when they talk (and even more so when they eat).
I am verging on life tilt just thinking about this shit, so I will move on.
Retard Poker Philosophy...
"...There is no other way to play this hand...I don't want any callers...an ace always comes..." -after open raising to £30 in a £1-£2 game with Kings.
"...I called because I had position on you..." -after limping on the button, then calling the big blind's all in shove with A 8 off.
"...I knew you had nothing...I knew it..." -after fading your multi draw hand of KcQc on a flop of Jc10c2s, and tabling pocket eights at shown down to proudly win the pot.
They came, and keep coming. They don't last long. But have fun along the way to losing.
Then came the Hope-a-Trons.
These cunts are somewhat more annoying, but equally profitable to play against in the long run. They just last longer, but are able to be grinded away (unless their ugly fucking faces set you off on a seize of tilt!).
They believe / convince themselves to be winning players. They over value their abilities.
They will crack, and I often refer to them as the "Inevitables".
These guys will often be able to shuffle chips, and the most common characteristic is the back spin poker chip trick (these cunts will keep doing this shit over and over again, taking the middle metal part of the chip out to improve control / speed...FUCK OFF YOU CUNT! STOP DOING THAT SHIT AND DO YOUR MONEY ALREADY!)
Before I go on, I must emphasise to the the few readers of this blog, that I keep this blog, to have a release, a release away from the table and I don't mean to come across a cunt. But this shit really helps. So fuck off if you are one of the fucking cunts who think this is you who I am talking about. I don't fucking care.
As you may sense, I am in somewhat of a bad / aggressive mood today. Frustration!
Anyway, recently I have seen a new breed of poker play coming through.
The retardo-tron. A super poker playing cross breed.
Annoying, ugly, smelly, super retarded, super obnoxious, but have lots of money -and are sometimes aggressive.
These guys come in around 2am / 3am, rounded up by Pratik and his van.
They will buy in for £200-£400, and proceed to do their money hard, or take your money hard.
They are often in disguise, so be careful.
I am going to stop here for the moment, because I am feeling myself getting tilted and need to get ready for a session tonight.
More, much more to come!
Yigit out!
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