Waste

OK so where am I? What have I been up?

Firstly the study of the hands I was conducting (which I started to document in my last post) made me realise my Full Tilt account is rigged, I didn’t bother finishing the write up on here, because the more I looked at the results the more tilted (well angry) I got with Full Tilt.

You can see some of the set ups and beats I took in the earlier entry I made.

So knowing I would struggle to make any decent money online, I increased my hours at The Vic.

My results have been good, modest but good.

With a re-constructed game plan / strategy I am making steady progress.

But there are a few things I need to get off my chest, and some realities I need to face.

I hate the way I am playing. I hate it, it kills me inside.

With my current approach to the game, I pass up marginal situations and basically let people run me over. Well they run me over until I have the nuts and then double me up, but for the most part they run me over.

I can’t explain how much this tilts me inside.

But it’s a winning approach, I promise you that. You will make money playing tight, solid poker.

Even if you only play the nuts, these morons will pay you off; because they are fish.

I have come a long way from the days when I wanted to crush everyone, and prove myself to people. Seriously I couldn’t give a fuck anymore what people think of me.

But I care, and it hurts me so much I can’t explain.

I don’t care what people think of me, but I care of what I think of myself.

Am I slowly turning into one of these old granites who come to the “club”, and sit on their bowl of rice for 8 hours, have a cup of tea, talk to their old friends and fuck off home?

OK, I know that’s bit extreme, but am I on that path? Am I letting the game leave me behind?

I am wasting away, in fact I am wasting my potential, I am wasting my experience and knowledge, I am just wasting. It hurts. It really does, and no one really understands me.

I sometimes wish I never starting playing poker. I mean not for a living, I am talking never ever played poker.

What the fuck am I doing with my life? What has poker given me? Funny when I think like this. Poker doesn’t make me happy; in fact I haven’t enjoyed playing poker for a long time.

Wow.

Nice positive post to come back eh? Writing this is making me sad, so I will stop.